Alternative budget proposals

With all the talking down of the budget prospects, I’ve been thinking about a few silver bullets of my own.

a) create an immediate slave caste from those under 5′ 6″ tall.

b) designate 1 in 40 taxpayers as ‘the unfortunate b’stard’, and impose a tax rate of 80% on all their earnings past and future.

c) create a new currency local to each county.

d) make the amount of spam you receive indicative of your ‘net profile and tax accordingly.

e) tax people based on their site traffic. You know they must be making money somehow from it all even if they say it’s not for profit.

f) a time based entry charge for those travelling south from the north while in possession of a GAA county jersey.

g) a charge for the temporary export of silverware. Might make those bearded lads think again about going for 2 in a row.

h) make language a revenue producer by rationing terms like ‘property bubble’, stagflation, resurgence.

i) nationalise 4x4s to be used to bring feral children to school.

j) charge those under 40 ‘an old geezer’ levy to be written off by spending time listening to someone over 65 regale them with tales of the misery of the old days.

k) require licenses of people under 65 to complain about how the youngsters won’t know what hit them.

Feel free to add your own suggestions.

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5 Responses to Alternative budget proposals

  1. killian forde says:

    Dan – how tall are you?

    I think the currency one was actually a real proposal from the Greens a few years back.

    My suggestion would be to tax people at the higher rate of tax if they use the term “going forward”.

  2. Dan Sullivan says:

    I’m 175cm! according to my passport at least.

    Certainly the ‘terminology tax’ list isn’t intended to be exhaustive. I think some terms such as ‘synergy’ should attract a higher rating. ‘In the current climate’ is another one.

  3. Mark Herpel says:

    I like them all. I vote we put Sullivan in charge of global economies and the IMF. Those are some of the best ideas I’ve out there.


  4. killian forde says:

    oh yeah fogot about “synergy” thats a biggy – in our newly emering soviet – users of that phrase would be off to the leitrim gulag for 19 years

  5. Dan Sullivan says:

    Leitrim as a gulag? Full employment in the north-west for the first time in the history of the state!

    Also, given the time of year a tax on witches and broomsticks.

    Mark, I really hope you’re not advising Minister Lenihan if my ideas are the best you’ve heard though it wouldn’t surprise me.

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